Nazekeoya
by Xielle
Summary: “Time. It gives us happiness… But it can also take everything away from us.”
1. Conrad

**Disclaimer: **If I owned Kyo Kara Maou, it wouldn't be aired 'coz I'll be sued too early.

KKM will be proof that I'm on drugs and have too much sugar and free time.

(… Please don't take my "drugs" joke seriously. I'd hate to be detained or something.)

* * *

**Nazekeoya**

_Xielle_

"Time gives us happiness… But it can also take everything away from us."

**Chapter 1: Conrad**

_Silent Soliloquy _

- - -

"_Yuuri's soul is Julia's!"_

"Conrad…? Why…?"

"I'm sorry, Your Majesty."

"Yuuri. And it's … I understand. I really do. It was for the best…" But the king's words were already trailing off…

_No. No, you do not understand. I'm sorry. I'm – _

" – You'll return to Shin Makoku with me, right?"

" – Sorry. I'm sorry, Yuuri."

- - -

_How? How could I face Yuuri? No amount of apologizing would excuse what I've done: pointing my sword at the king._

_Even his forgiveness won't be able to allow me to forgive myself. But as for my other sin… I have to try…_

"Hm. Oh. Um… hey, Conrad?"

"Yes, Your Majesty?"

"It's Yuuri. You should call me Yuuri. After all, weren't you the first person who saved me, who called my name? The first person I met here that's happy to see me. Happy that I've arrived, that I'm here; Me, Yuuri Shibuya. Not King Yuuri.

_I couldn't reply to that without looking apparent that the words were being dragged out of me._

So instead, Conrad just **smiled**._What would I say if I were to reply, anyway?_

"Your question, Yuuri?" Conrad's voice dragged out slowly, each syllable forced and strained with attempt to mask his relapsing unease that had become common (though thankfully undetected) since coming home.

Lying to Yuuri is **not** Conrad's métier, and was something he evaded.

– _That despite what Yuuri believes; That no matter how much I, myself want to take it all back, make myself believe that such thoughts never really crossed my mind, my **heart**_…

"Huh? Question…? Um… Oh. _Ohh._"

_The truth was, no, is, that the reality hurts too much. _

_It gnaws at my heart; the heart that I could confidently say couldn't be bothered no matter how many fall by my hand and sword, if in exchange for taking upon myself the burden of sin and blood, it would be for Yuuri's well being._

_I would take sinful burdens on my own conscience if it would mean that Yuuri will remain alive, safe, and **untainted**…_

_But the truth is that –_

" – _Well_… it's, um… I sort of forgot my question, actually… ahahaha…"

– _**It hasn't always been that way.**_

"I think my question was something about Julia-san though…"

_Julia. It was Julia that I saw, that I wished to see. That time, that time, and that time, I recalled my initial thoughts **then**, at the time before and for the most part of after Yuuri's first arrival._

Conrad loves Yuuri.

Yes. Conrad loves Yuuri – even if at first, what, no, **whom** Conrad wanted and wished for was Julia.

"_Yuuri's soul is Julia's!"_

Through admitting it out loud to everyone as well as himself that Julia's soul is behind Yuuri's; by practically saying that Yuuri is Julia, Conrad realized something he should have even back then as he smiled at his future – no, his king, and as time passed by them while they played baseball.

Conrad realized; Yuuri isn't Julia. And he loves Yuuri **because** he's Yuuri.

Yuuri is an individual, and despite possessing the same soul – **her** – soul, Yuuri was his own man.

So this is why Conrad felt that he was being unfair to Yuuri…to Wolfram.

This is why he couldn't ever fully forgive himself for still being able to stand by His Majesty and his fiancée's side, Conrad's** brother,** when he harbors reprehensible thoughts.

And worse still, even when guilty with **those** thoughts, he also harbors forbidden feelings for Yuuri, all too aware that Wolfram feels the same for Yuuri. **And there's a part of him that nonetheless, refuses to acknowledge that he must distance himself: for he doesn't desire to. **

_Some sins are just unjustifiable, especially a sin like mine. _

_His Majesty doesn't deserve this of me. _

And Yuuri may never know **what**, nor understand **why**. But even so…

_I'm sorry, Yuu – Your Majesty._

* * *

**10.28.07**


	2. Wolfram

Disclaimer: Would I be doing this if I owned Conrad and Kyo Kara Maou?

…. Well, okay. I would. Alas, I don't own it.

Warning: There was crack and a lot of sugar involved.

I forget if it was in me or in Wolfram. Probably both. So expect…well, insanity.

* * *

Nazekeoya  
_Xielle_

"Time gives us happiness… but it can also take everything away from us."

Chapter 2: Wolfram  
_Zephyr_

- - -

"He's doing it again…"

"_Oh, Wolfram…" came the sigh in the usual soft, barely perceptible whisper as the wind carried it together with the mixed feelings of empathy and a knowing air. _

Just like before… just like it was a long, long time ago…the voice that had never been gone from his memories and dreams.

Its presence lingered even at the edge of his consciousness; its comfort still weaved through his dreams. It was his longing, his weakness and his downfall.

"It's not fair."

No response. But that didn't dissuade him. This is how they were.

- - -

Whatever utter nonsense others favored to believe, Wolfram was **not** ignorant. No, he was definitely anything but.

Especially when it came to Yuuri's activities. Particularly, when in company of '**skirts'** and a certain Sir Weller.

Saying the two were merely "close" would be such a ridiculously huge understatement. No, the two shared a bond.

And since Wolfram was there whenever they had one of their episodes, he can see what both Conrad and Yuuri themselves fail to see. What, even the rest of the castle can see.

They complement the other and share a deep, mutual understanding of the other. There was a deep, special bond between them.

Their bond – A bond that Wolfram deliberately chose to overlook; belatedly **understood** and refuse to accept –

- - -

"You knew this would happen, didn't you?" Wolfram accused indignantly. "I even daresay you expected this of him? You **knew**!"

No reply. Just that frustrating serene blankness, yet again.

But the wind around him picked up, seeking his attention as if to comfort him as they once did before, offering an apology.

"_I am sincerely sorry, Wolfram."_

Apologizing for what, exactly?

"_What for? That I feel like I'm always shoved aside and left behind by everyone else, my own brother included, so instead they substitute in their absence, lavish gifts; everything I'd ever want, apparently?" _

_Lost in frustration, Wolfram continued on, "Or is it that you're sorry that I'm an idiot enough to have pushed away Conrad, the only one willing to make an effort to be, at least, a friend for me so I'm always left alone by myself?"_

"_Well, don't. I've been dealing with my loneliness for years and I've no grief left for it! I'm not a pathetic, weak-hearted… **human**!" And turning his back to walk out, Wolfram paused only a moment to reluctantly listen. _

"…_That you can't bring yourself to cry over it… That is just so sad."_

- - -

– Their bond – that of which Wolfram couldn't bring himself to break; **cannot** break.

So he is envious, bitter and resentful, and hateful – hateful of Conrad.

But he can hear that voice from his memories; still the same as ever, with that knowing air, _"Is it worth the pain that you feel now – to see the face of your brother really happy?"_

And Wolfram is no longer immature – as immature as he was twenty years ago, anyway.

So with that smile and that voice still fresh in his memory, he could hold off his instinctual hate and envy – the pain is bearable. He could calm himself. Assure himself that there isn't anything more than there should be, especially not **that** kind of emotionally.

But Wolfram is no idiot. He is not so stupid as to deliberately, still ignore what's before him.

Julia.

"_I love you, Julia."_

"_I know, Wolfram." _

"…_But?"_

_She made no reply, nor any motion to do so; nothing except for silence which Julia would look only through the window despite her inability to actually see._

_She made no reply, nor any motion to do so. Nothing except the silence from Julia looking through the window despite her inability to actually see._

_She didn't speak, not even when Wolfram left the room._

**Yuuri**

Yuuri as he averts from Wolfram's pointed glares when Yuuri makes no reaction, whatsoever to Wolfram's declarations of love.

Conrad and Yuuri's complete understanding of one another.

"_Yuuri's soul is Julia's!"_

And as Wolfram stood in the same spot Julia has stood in whenever she came to teach him, he belatedly understood.

From his position –**her **position – one could easily view the courtyard – the courtyard where Conrad trained the soldiers.

Conrad.

Conrad as he acquires the heart of Julia, Wolfram's first love, and before he's even had a chance.

And Conrad as he snatches from right under Wolfram's possessive hold, Yuuri, his fiancée, and just when he thought he had finally won too.

- - -

"Well, now I get it!"

Thoroughly aggravated, Wolfram glared at the small memorial, bearing **her** name and the dates of both her birth and her death.

And this time, he didn't look back even as he thought he felt an apologetic air reach out to him.

Not even with the comfort of her memory could he calm himself when he recalls his pathetic inability to get Yuuri to love him back.

* * *

**11.16.2007**


End file.
